Welcome to Becoming a Mom

How to adopt in South Africa

Do you want to adopt in South Africa?  Here is how to do it. Are you thinking about adopting a child in South Africa but aren’t sure where to begin?  If so, this step by step guide is for you.  The content comes both from research, and our own experience (my husband and I adopted a little girl a few years ago). Step 1: Decide to adopt Sounds a little obvious doesn’t it, but you may be surprised at how many people embark on this process without being convinced about their decision or in agreement about if they want to go ahead.  And unfortunately, it is often clear that only one party is driving the process.  Social workers are both astute and busy—they know that it will not be worthwhile for anyone if they proceed when one or both of you is ambivalent.  So, if you are in a relationship, try not to set up your first meeting until you are both certain that you want to adopt.  If you do go ahead prematurely, don’t be surprised if the social worker asks you to go away and have a rethink. Top tip Dr Phil, the great relationship guru and life coach, says that in relationships important decisions (such as the decision to have or adopt a child) takes two “yeses” or one “no”.  This is a huge life choice and if you are in partnership, both of you need to be committed before you proceed. Step 2: Choose a social worker / agency In modern times, when we have access to so many other people through the internet and social media, people seem increasingly inclined to try to find their own babies / adoptive parents.  Films like Juno unfortunately feed the perception that you as an adoptive mum can simply advertise for a baby (or that you as a biological mom can ask for prospective parents).  It may work in other countries but recently a pregnant woman in South Africa risked arrest by advertising on Gumtree for parents for her baby, at a price.  Her mistake was requesting compensation...

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Our story

Luke and Asha’s story This five minute clip, filmed by the TV programme: “Great Expectations” summarises our story. For the full interview, visit http://becomingamom.co.za/media/ Or see below for a detailed written version.   A bringer of light and a girl called Hope I think I’ve always known that I wanted children–two of them to be precise. I was so certain that in my early twenties I even chose their names–Luke for the boy and Asha for the girl.  At the time, I didn’t know what the names meant, I just liked them.  Unfortunately things don’t always go according to plan and it was a shock when I discovered that I had fallen in love with a man who might be infertile. Neil had had a vasectomy while married to his first wife and by the time we married, it had been eight years since his op. Nonetheless, everyone (wanting things to turn out well) blithely told us that it would be fine, vasectomies could be reversed. But I was still concerned and it turned out that I was right to be worried. After we were married a friend who was a doctor sat us down and told us that given the time that had elapsed since his procedure, our sole option for having children was IVF. I was devastated. My only consolation was that my husband had always told me that if I wanted children, he would do whatever it took. And, he was as good as his word. Braving IVF Still, IVF was not a welcome prospect so I waited five years before starting. By that time, despite having two beautiful step-daughters, what had started as “wanting to have a child” had become desperation. In hind sight, it was probably a good thing—you need a high degree of motivation to make it through IVF—the emotional upheaval, the uncertainty, the expense and stress of the procedure can be quite overwhelming. During the procedure I watched a programme about battery chickens and felt a weird empathy for the poor hens, pumped full of hormones to hyper-stimulate their egg production. Their feathers fell out and they looked...

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About this site

My name is Robyn Wolfson Vorster. I have been a social scientist, a communications expert, a management consultant, a human resource development practitioner, an instructional designer, a project manager and a writer but it is my role as mom that has most defined my life. My journey from step-parenting, through infertility and into adoption has inspired, challenged and changed the course of my life and this site is an attempt to both tell our story and to provide guidance and resources for others walking a similar road. This site is for anyone for whom becoming a parent has proved to be a challenge.  Our story involves both infertility and adoption so the focus on this site is on how to live through infertility, how to adopt and some of the key challenges related to adoption in South Africa. For news updates and articles subscribe here  ...

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Adoption in the media

Sunday Live April 3rd 2016 If you want to know more about adoption in South Africa, watch SABC1’s Sunday Live Show which focuses on the process, who can adopt and some wonderful local adoption stories. The goal is to educate, debunk some myths and to inspire people to grow their families through adoption.     Great Expectations August 11th 2014 In an episode of ETV’s Great Expectations on 11th August 2014: “Moms against the Odds”, our family had an opportunity to tell the story about our struggle with infertility and our adoption journey. Watch the interview and the TV version of our story here:  ...

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  • How to adopt in South Africa...

    Do you want to adopt in South Africa?  Here...

  • Our story

    Luke and Asha’s story This five...

  • About this site

    My name is Robyn Wolfson Vorster. I have...

  • Adoption in the media...

    Sunday Live April 3rd 2016 If you want to...