Welcome to Becoming a Mom

Providing tools and tips for anyone who wants to be a parent

How to adopt in South Africa

Do you want to adopt in South Africa?  Here is how to do it. Are you thinking about adopting a child in South Africa but aren’t sure where to begin?  If so, this step by step guide is for you.  The content comes both from research, and our own experience (my husband and I adopted a little girl a few years ago). Step 1: Decide to adopt Sounds a little obvious doesn’t it, but you may be surprised at how many people embark on this process without being convinced about their decision or in agreement about if they want to go ahead.  And unfortunately, it is often clear that only one party is driving the process.  Social workers are both astute and busy—they know that it will not be worthwhile for anyone if they proceed when one or both of you is ambivalent.  So, if you are in a relationship, try not to set up your first meeting until you are both certain that you want to adopt.  If you do go ahead prematurely, don’t be surprised if the social worker asks you to go away and have a rethink. Top tip Dr Phil, the great relationship guru and life coach, says that in relationships important decisions (such as the decision to have or adopt a child) takes two “yeses” or one “no”.  This is a huge life choice and if you are in partnership, both of you need to be committed before you proceed. Step 2: Choose a social worker / agency In modern times, when we have access to so many other people through the internet and social media, people seem increasingly inclined to try to find their own babies / adoptive parents.  Films like Juno unfortunately feed the perception that you as an adoptive mum can simply advertise for a baby (or that you as a biological mom can ask for prospective parents).  It may work in other countries but recently a pregnant woman in South Africa risked arrest by advertising on Gumtree for parents for her baby, at a price.  Her mistake was requesting compensation...

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Our story

Luke and Asha’s story This five minute clip, filmed by the TV programme: “Great Expectations” summarises our story.   For the full interview, including the story about Luke and Asha’s names and how the challenging process of overcoming infertility brought us to adoption, see: Or see below for a detailed written version.   A bringer of light and a girl called hope I think I’ve always known that I wanted children–two of them to be precise. I was so certain that in my early twenties I even chose their names–Luke for the boy and Asha for the girl.  At the time, I didn’t know what the names meant, I just liked them.  Unfortunately things don’t always go according to plan and it was a shock when I discovered that I had fallen in love with a man who might be infertile. Neil had had a vasectomy while married to his first wife and by the time we married, it had been eight years since his op. Nonetheless, everyone (wanting things to turn out well) blithely told us that it would be fine, vasectomies could be reversed. But I was still concerned and it turned out that I was right to be worried. After we were married a friend who was a doctor sat us down and told us that given the time that had elapsed since his procedure, our sole option for having children was IVF. I was devastated. My only consolation was that my husband had always told me that if I wanted children, he would do whatever it took. And, he was as good as his word. Braving IVF Still, IVF was not a welcome prospect so I waited five years before starting. By that time, despite having two beautiful step-daughters, what had started as “wanting to have a child” had become desperation. In hind sight, it was probably a good thing—you need a high degree of motivation to make it through IVF—the emotional upheaval, the uncertainty, the expense and stress of the procedure can be quite overwhelming. During the procedure I watched a programme about battery chickens and felt...

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About this site

My name is Robyn Wolfson Vorster. I have been a social scientist, a communications expert, a management consultant, a human resource development practitioner, an instructional designer, a project manager and a writer but it is my role as mom that has most defined my life. My journey from step-parenting, through infertility and into adoption has inspired, challenged and changed the course of my life and this site is an attempt to both tell our story and to provide guidance and resources for others walking a similar road. This site is for anyone for whom becoming a parent has proved to be a challenge.  Our story involves both infertility and adoption so the focus on this site is on how to live through infertility, how to adopt and some of the key challenges related to adoption in South Africa. For news updates and articles subscribe here     Share...

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In the media1

RealTalk with Anele on SABC3 focus on adoption: World Adoption Day 9th November 2017 On World Adoption Day 2017, Anele from RealTalk on SABC3 talked to Thola Antamu, an adult adoptee, poet and performance artist; Kgomotso Mgiba, a birth mom who placed her daughter for adoption; Sihle Mooi who, along with his wife Gigi, has adopted two gorgeous boys; Margaret Nhlanhla, a social worker from ABBA Specialist Adoption and Social Services, and myself in my capacity as an adoptive mom and child protection advocate. Abandoned Babies: Lost or Found(lings), what’s in a name?  PowerFM987 12th November 2017 Carte Blanche feature on the adoption crisis in KwaZulu Natal: 3rd September 2017 In 2016 only 8 adoptions occurred in KwaZulu Natal. This in a country with 3 million orphan and thousands of crisis pregnancies every year. But the Department of Social Development in the province denies that there is a problem, stating that its solutions of family reunification, foster care and even institutional care is adequate. The adoption community disagrees citing countless stories of overfull Baby Homes, insecure attachment, parents in fear of losing their children and years spent fighting for permanent placements for each child. What is the true story, and what will become of the children caught in the cross-fire? Cape Talk Interview: 17th June 2017 the funding crisis for Social Development NGOs Understanding the funding crisis that has resulted in some social welfare NGOs closing their doors and others struggling to stay afloat.  Why is this happening, will government act and what can South Africans do to keep these organisations functioning? https://omny.fm/shows/weekend-breakfast-with-africa-melane http://www.capetalk.co.za/articles/260755/south-africa-s-social-welfare-services-are-under-threat-expert SABC 3: Talking about abandonment in Child Protection Week 31st May 2017 South Africa has a heart-breaking problem with abandonment and although statistics seem to indicate that number of abandonments to NGOs have decreased slightly, the number of anonymous and usually unsafe abandonments has increased.  The result is that approximately 2 out of every 3 abandoned children die.  Why is this and what can be done?  Watch this interview on SABC3 24 hours news channel during Child Protection Week 2017. Prontuit: “Weg-gooi Babas” Abandoned babies in...

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• How to adopt in South Africa...

  Do you want to adopt in South Africa?  Here...

• Our story

  Luke and Asha’s story This five...

• About this site

  My name is Robyn Wolfson Vorster. I have...

• In the media1

  RealTalk with Anele on SABC3 focus on...